Anyone that has moved away from home knows the challenges of the adjustment. I know I’m not alone in saying how difficult the transition is. Meeting new people, packing, unpacking, getting rid of goods, and then getting rid of some more… setting up all new utilities (screw you, Comcast!), finding new schools, favorite restaurants, dentists, doctors, birth control administration, changing addresses, vehicle registration… you name it, it sucks. All of it… and in some cases you move to an area that is inferior to where you came from. Such is our case, at least in my opinion. The opportunities are far grander (yes that is a word, I checked!) for Chad; however, we are stuck in situations that make me wretch and writhe and I can’t seem to find my way back to happy-land. Merry-land. Maryland. My passions of running, yoga, skydiving, working out have been forcibly adjusted and none of them are as easy to do or participate in as they were in Minnesota.
I had a spazzy moment and threw it on Facebook that I hate Maryland. At the moment I did… and there have been other moments that I have hated here as well. My world has been turned upside down and I don’t know how to turn that into a positive at times. However, I’ve been given the opportunity for a fresh start. I’ve been given the opportunity to start this blog, to spend more time with Landon than I’ve ever had before, to explore new areas and I’d be lying if I said a lot of it doesn’t scare me.
What I don’t like about my wine-infused “I hate Maryland” post on the ol’ fb, is that it was impulsive and vulnerable…But what it did was open a dialogue with friends who have been in my situation, or similar, and so many found a few moments of their day to virtually pat me on the back and give me a little pick-me-up. Vulnerability is not bad; however, that doesn’t mean I’m going to turn to Facebook to cry for help every time I’m down. Vulnerability is a soft spot that we can uncomfortably explore and learn to be okay with. If there is something I have learned from the likes of my Yoga practice, and authors such as Pema Chodron, and Brene Brown it is that these soft spots are our teachers. The acceptance of vulnerable feelings instead of hardening ourselves when we get there is what helps us grow. They are scary and uncomfortable places to be, but that is why it is a constant practice. I realize that I have found myself in a position to practice a lot in my new, uncomfortable and not always happy, Maryland. I don’t always get it right, or remember that it will do me much more good to sit uncomfortably when I get mad, frustrated, vulnerable, sad, even furious at times, than it will to avoid these feelings, fight with them, or run from them. That only creates bad habits and a reinforcing circle of reinforcing those hard places…which ironically are our soft spots.
I can’t speak as an expert, and my tangent went somewhere other than I expected when I started writing today… But my intent is to appreciate those of you that took a few moments to encourage me, listen, and offer advice or that virtual pat on the back. Maybe I’ll just leave it at that for now.